Song of Songs (SOS) 2 says: Then you must protect me from the foxes, foxes on the prowl. Foxes who would like nothing better than to get into our flowering garden. (The Message)
The Shulamite woman in the passage above is reminding Solomon that he needs to protect her (as if he needs to be reminded, but I think he likes being asked). I imagine there is a hint of desperation in her voice as she may feel she is being attacked on every side and needs his protection now more than ever.
A few years ago I began studying the SOS with a few close friends and we spent a week or so just studying each section of the book, along with the help of Mike Bickle and his teachings from IHOP-KC. It was an amazing study and impacted me greatly but because of where I was at in my life I think some of the seeds God tried to plant in my heart regarding His word and His promises fell on rocky soil and never took root. But I'm also reminded that He promises that His word never returns void, so even though those seeds did not bring fruit in that season they are now bringing fruit.
One of the seeds now taking root and bearing fruit (heh, that rhymed!) is this "Catch for me the foxes". At the time of the study Bickle explained that the foxes are those things running rampant in our life that keep us from drawing closer to Jesus. The foxes can be anything from addiction to gossip, unforgiveness to shame, they can seem as major or minor but they all keep us from being closer to Lover of our soul.
This phrase kept coming to mind the other night after I met with friends. I'm letting Him catch for me the little foxes, those things that keep me from Him and keep my heart from fully surrendering to His plan. It's hard letting go of things that have been a source of comfort for many years, yes the comfort they provide is fleeting and does more harm than good but it's deceiving too, it sucks you in until you don't know how to live with out it, and that's the point, you don't know how to live, without it. And yet God is a jealous God and will not stand by while our affections are wrapped in something other than, He is relentless in His pursuit to have all of our heart so He will catch all of the little foxes for me, but I have to let them go.
You all know music is a venue in which God speaks to me all the time, it's also something I love so I'm glad he talks to me through it. Anyway, below is a song by Mindy Smith, I love her, her voice is haunting and raw yet her lyrics are tender and wise. Today her song, Out of Control, touched a nerve and once again reminded me of the need to let Him catch for me the little foxes as I let them go. The lyrics are below:
The blood is dry in the wounds I hide
The scars are settling in
So I keep the light low and they still show
I sit and count every stitch
What it means, what it really means
It's time I let everything go
That's killing me and turning me
Spinning me so out of control
I don't want to let go
I don't want to let go
Don't know what for but these open doors
Keep slamming in on me
And if life's a joke then it's getting old
And I hope God's looking out for me
What it means, what it really means
It's time I let everything go
That's killing me and turning me
Spinning me so out of control
I don't want to let go I don't want to let go
The blood in the wounds I hid
The scars are settling in
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
The Long Defeat
In this journey of transformation I am experiencing victory in areas of my life that I never thought I would have victory in. After years of battling to win these areas over for fullness in Christ I settled in for the long defeat (a phrase I coined from Sara Groves) and was fooled into thinking I was comfortable. Left to my own devices I probably would have stayed there but I serve a God who doesn't give up on me, even when I have given up on myself. Last night as I was meeting with some close friends who have committed themselves to partnering with me in this journey I was reminded (by them) of how far God has actually brought me.
When I arrived in Fort Thomas in 2005 I don't think I realized just how defeated I had become, so defeated in fact that I had closed off certain parts of my life to transformation. I just assumed that for the rest of my life I would struggle in certain areas and I would always feel wounded, broken, damaged. To compromise myself in such a way has caused these struggles and wounds to grow and grow until slowly they had taken over my life, the life I had once committed to live for Christ was being swallowed up in death. A slow and painful death, and that is what it has felt like, slowly all that I had hoped to do for His Kingdom was dying and I was dying with it.
But joining the long defeat was not God's plan for me, remember Christ came so that we may have LIFE and have it to the full. In His plan I have a future and a hope ( Jer. 29). I don't know what that entails, I have dreams that I hope it encompasses and plans I hope become realized but for now I am simply trusting that there is a future for me minus the defeat.
So, I've been here in Fort Thomas for two and a half years, and as I said I was reminded last night of the progression of events that led me to this point. To finally be in a place to see what God has actually done to bring me back to life.
Here's the words to the song by Sara Groves.....
I have joined the long defeat that falling set in motion
all my strength and energy are raindrops in the ocean
so conditioned for the win to share in victor's stories
but in the place of ambition's din I've heard of other glories
I pray for an idea and a way I cannot see
It's too heavy to carry and impossible to leave
I can't just fight when I think I'll win that's the end of all belief
and nothing has provoked it more than a possible defeat
I pray for an idea and a way I cannot see
It's too heavy to carry and impossible to leave
Walk a while we sit and rest we lay it on the altar
I won't pretend to know what's next but what I have I've offered
I pray for a vision and a way I cannot see
It's too heavy to carry and impossible to leave
I pray for inspiration and a way I cannot see
It's too heavy to carry and impossible to leave
When I arrived in Fort Thomas in 2005 I don't think I realized just how defeated I had become, so defeated in fact that I had closed off certain parts of my life to transformation. I just assumed that for the rest of my life I would struggle in certain areas and I would always feel wounded, broken, damaged. To compromise myself in such a way has caused these struggles and wounds to grow and grow until slowly they had taken over my life, the life I had once committed to live for Christ was being swallowed up in death. A slow and painful death, and that is what it has felt like, slowly all that I had hoped to do for His Kingdom was dying and I was dying with it.
But joining the long defeat was not God's plan for me, remember Christ came so that we may have LIFE and have it to the full. In His plan I have a future and a hope ( Jer. 29). I don't know what that entails, I have dreams that I hope it encompasses and plans I hope become realized but for now I am simply trusting that there is a future for me minus the defeat.
So, I've been here in Fort Thomas for two and a half years, and as I said I was reminded last night of the progression of events that led me to this point. To finally be in a place to see what God has actually done to bring me back to life.
Here's the words to the song by Sara Groves.....
I have joined the long defeat that falling set in motion
all my strength and energy are raindrops in the ocean
so conditioned for the win to share in victor's stories
but in the place of ambition's din I've heard of other glories
I pray for an idea and a way I cannot see
It's too heavy to carry and impossible to leave
I can't just fight when I think I'll win that's the end of all belief
and nothing has provoked it more than a possible defeat
I pray for an idea and a way I cannot see
It's too heavy to carry and impossible to leave
Walk a while we sit and rest we lay it on the altar
I won't pretend to know what's next but what I have I've offered
I pray for a vision and a way I cannot see
It's too heavy to carry and impossible to leave
I pray for inspiration and a way I cannot see
It's too heavy to carry and impossible to leave
Saturday, May 31, 2008
The Fall & The Gospel
Over the past year or so our community has been on a journey through discipleship and what it really means to be a disciple of Christ. It has been a particularly hard journey for me. It seems ironic to say that because the first week of the discipleship process (10 weeks in all) is appropriately named Creation and other than the obvious topic of creation we also talk about how life on earth is not really about you or me but we are all in fact just parts of the drama, it's God's story to tell, not ours. That is a wake up call for someone like me, a 35 year old single woman who has spent the majority of her life living for her own hopes and dreams. Sure, I loved God, followed Him and served Him but if I looked at the past 12 years of my walk with Christ honestly I would see that the majority of it was spent doing those things only when they fit my agenda, not His.
So I'm starting over, re-examining the scriptures about Creation and the Fall of mankind. For the last two weeks in particular I've been looking at the Fall differently than I ever have before. If I had to define how I viewed it before I would say sure, I know there is sin and I know Adam and Eve sinned and so we are all cursed. Isn't that what you would say too? But one of the things I love about God's Word is that it is living and active and sharper than any double-edged sword and if God's Word is living and active than it has the power to become new to us even if it is a piece of scripture we have read a hundred times over. I'm realizing I have a part in the Fall. Not only did Eve sin but I sin, not one man is wicked, all men are wicked.
Sure it's easy to see the wickedness of other people, their sin is all around us. We encounter the sins of other people every day but do we believe that we actually encounter our own sin everyday? Or that others encounter our sin everyday? I don't think I ever thought my sin affected others, I was wrapped up in how others had done me wrong not in how I have wronged them. I had forgotten my role in the Fall. I had forgotten that each time I fall into temptation that I, like Eve, am partnering with the serpent. Sure, he may be cunning and use all of his powers to deceive me but the choice to believe the serpent and sin is mine, not his. He's been sentenced, his fate is sealed even if at this time he still roams the earth.
My fate should be sealed but it's not, I should have been sentenced but I have not been. This is where the Gospel comes in and although I know the story I'm excited to re-read it and for the Lord to bring new revelation. In the meantime, here's a poem I wrote this week that encapsulates what I think of the Fall and my hopes for the Gospel.
You dress yourself up.
One glance at you reveals a slick and polished man,
But if I look deeper you are hollow and disfigured
Because you are cursed.
The Almighty has sentenced you,
You roam this earth on your belly
And you call it your own.
You are arrogant.
Yet I am deceived,
I welcome you in
Because I believe your lies and promises.
Your masquerade mesmerizes me.
You dress me up.
One glance reveals a slick and polished woman.
But if you dare to look deeper I am empty and ashamed.
You have stolen me and wrapped me in your blanket of ice.
Surely I should be sentenced,
I have partnered with you,
I have taken on your mission.
I have fallen.
Yet, another Man appears,
Robed in glory, light all around him.
The light fills the room
Darkness flees
He dresses himself in light
One glance at him unearths my emptiness, a longing deep within
Yet I am unworthy to even steal a glimpse from His eyes
But His gaze remains on me, a constant unveiling
He dresses me
He exchanges my despair for praise, my ashes for beauty
Shame for confidence, loneliness for hope
He has given me a new name and enfolded me in grace
So what are your thoughts on the Fall?
So I'm starting over, re-examining the scriptures about Creation and the Fall of mankind. For the last two weeks in particular I've been looking at the Fall differently than I ever have before. If I had to define how I viewed it before I would say sure, I know there is sin and I know Adam and Eve sinned and so we are all cursed. Isn't that what you would say too? But one of the things I love about God's Word is that it is living and active and sharper than any double-edged sword and if God's Word is living and active than it has the power to become new to us even if it is a piece of scripture we have read a hundred times over. I'm realizing I have a part in the Fall. Not only did Eve sin but I sin, not one man is wicked, all men are wicked.
Sure it's easy to see the wickedness of other people, their sin is all around us. We encounter the sins of other people every day but do we believe that we actually encounter our own sin everyday? Or that others encounter our sin everyday? I don't think I ever thought my sin affected others, I was wrapped up in how others had done me wrong not in how I have wronged them. I had forgotten my role in the Fall. I had forgotten that each time I fall into temptation that I, like Eve, am partnering with the serpent. Sure, he may be cunning and use all of his powers to deceive me but the choice to believe the serpent and sin is mine, not his. He's been sentenced, his fate is sealed even if at this time he still roams the earth.
My fate should be sealed but it's not, I should have been sentenced but I have not been. This is where the Gospel comes in and although I know the story I'm excited to re-read it and for the Lord to bring new revelation. In the meantime, here's a poem I wrote this week that encapsulates what I think of the Fall and my hopes for the Gospel.
You dress yourself up.
One glance at you reveals a slick and polished man,
But if I look deeper you are hollow and disfigured
Because you are cursed.
The Almighty has sentenced you,
You roam this earth on your belly
And you call it your own.
You are arrogant.
Yet I am deceived,
I welcome you in
Because I believe your lies and promises.
Your masquerade mesmerizes me.
You dress me up.
One glance reveals a slick and polished woman.
But if you dare to look deeper I am empty and ashamed.
You have stolen me and wrapped me in your blanket of ice.
Surely I should be sentenced,
I have partnered with you,
I have taken on your mission.
I have fallen.
Yet, another Man appears,
Robed in glory, light all around him.
The light fills the room
Darkness flees
He dresses himself in light
One glance at him unearths my emptiness, a longing deep within
Yet I am unworthy to even steal a glimpse from His eyes
But His gaze remains on me, a constant unveiling
He dresses me
He exchanges my despair for praise, my ashes for beauty
Shame for confidence, loneliness for hope
He has given me a new name and enfolded me in grace
So what are your thoughts on the Fall?
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Hello
Yep! It's another attempt at blogging.
I've been writing and journaling most of my life until recently when I turned my life upside down and moved across the country to start a new life. The move has proved to be not only the biggest adventure of my life (and this adventure is still unraveling) but also the hardest journey I've ever been on. I've decided recently that I'm in it for the long haul, for the first time in my life I am not quitting. I'm standing at the edge of the cliff and I'm putting my foot out over the edge in faith knowing that the God who loves me will meet me there and the bridge will appear.
I will be transferring a few posts from an earlier blog here eventually.
For today, I will leave you with a quote from a movie I recently saw that for me encompassed the purpose of writing during the process of transformation.
"Words save us. They empower us because they allow us to feel. They tether us to our own truth. And of all the words I was learning then, 'No' was the most foreign. 'No' means that I'm alive without giving in to my addiction, 'no' means I exist. Words have taken me back to my memories. They've shown me the truths I couldn't see before. We can't rewrite our own histories but we can learn the truth about them. And in learning find respect and in respect find strength. An addict is always an addict the only thing that changes belongs to the word recovery."
I've been writing and journaling most of my life until recently when I turned my life upside down and moved across the country to start a new life. The move has proved to be not only the biggest adventure of my life (and this adventure is still unraveling) but also the hardest journey I've ever been on. I've decided recently that I'm in it for the long haul, for the first time in my life I am not quitting. I'm standing at the edge of the cliff and I'm putting my foot out over the edge in faith knowing that the God who loves me will meet me there and the bridge will appear.
I will be transferring a few posts from an earlier blog here eventually.
For today, I will leave you with a quote from a movie I recently saw that for me encompassed the purpose of writing during the process of transformation.
"Words save us. They empower us because they allow us to feel. They tether us to our own truth. And of all the words I was learning then, 'No' was the most foreign. 'No' means that I'm alive without giving in to my addiction, 'no' means I exist. Words have taken me back to my memories. They've shown me the truths I couldn't see before. We can't rewrite our own histories but we can learn the truth about them. And in learning find respect and in respect find strength. An addict is always an addict the only thing that changes belongs to the word recovery."
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